I saw the last rainbow today. The colors reminded me that such beauty is a gift. I am walking in the rain just in case I have to cry. I search within myself for the keys to living a good life. Does not having someone to love, make you less than whole in the eyes of the world. I see people judging me as they stare through me. There is a higher power who will judge me, so their glances serve no purpose in this lonely walk I impose upon myself. If I cannot walk with the one I love, why should I walk with a fabricated woman who will not caress that spot in me, we all need to be touched? How could it be fair to try to and love anyone who would be walking in the shadow of my past?
I have tried to turn back and find the woman I belong to, but I dare not interrupt her life because of my regrets. I remember walking away, thinking I was taking the high ground. All I did was rip the heart out of my chest and leave it on the sidewalk. When you love someone, make your decisions slowly. Hasty actions lead you to the cemetery where you become a ghost of the person you were. Every so often I read the things I wrote to her, and if I am to believe the words before me, and I do, I opened the door for her to be somebody else’s wife. The only person I can throw shade on is myself. I let my brain overrule my heart, and I have lived alone since. Success without love has no value, no joy.